Let them yearn….let them Blossom

I have a little garden, which I tend to very lovingly; I had a rose plant which had a couple of roses when I bought it and then I waited and waited but no more blooms. I started doubting my gardening skills wondering if I am doing everything right. I did water the plants religiously without missing a day and clipped the branches, added manure at regular intervals and so on. But nothing….

Then one day my dad visits us and sees me watering the plants every day. He tells me that I need to occasionally water the plants on alternate days allowing the roots dry a bit. (At this point of time I have to tell you that he was born with a green thumb, as they say). Needless to say, I reacted with an exaggerated horror on my face. What good is letting the plant dry going to do, except may be kill it? I did know that overwatering potted plants can damage the roots, but letting roots dry a bit was kind-a news to me.

Then it so happened that I couldn’t water the plants for a day as I was out of town and to my surprise, nothing adverse happened to my plants as I expected. They are resilient that way. So this just prompted me to act on my dad’s advice and thought of watering the rose plant on alternate days and see how it goes. Now, the rose plant which didn’t bear a flower for months together under my expert care sprouted five buds all at once and started blooming gloriously in just a week or so since I started the new routine. What do you know!!!! May be this is coincidence or just what the plant needed…No one will ever know.

But I got a wonderful insight from this; a completely radical perspective and I am sure all parents out there will agree…. Somehow the first thing that came to my mind after this occurrence was “children”. Children are just like the rose plant; They sure need love and care and all necessities  in life but…and it’s a big BUT, they need it in the right amount to blossom into well-rounded human beings. Anything in excess, even smothering them with too much of your attention to make their life comfortable and too much of amenities, can hinder their growth and incapacitate them to blossom to their fullest potential. We helicopter parents are doing just that, I think. 

The logic behind the rose plant mystery is quite simple. Firstly, when constantly watered, roots of the plant won’t be able to breathe and start rotting and secondly, roots need to go in search of water; that’s their purpose and that’s how they grow.  Similarly, kids need to learn to yearn for various things at various times; if everything is given in a platter even before they ask for it or as soon as they ask for, then they don’t learn to stretch their roots.  Just like the rose plant…

The wander girls - My first All women trip

In one of my previous posts “Breaking the invisible barrier”, I had mentioned about this trip. This is in continuation with that, a part II series of that post, if I may say so. Though I had decided to join the all women trip with my friends and colleagues, the weeks leading up to it were filled with anxious moments and riddled with a continuous supply of ‘what ifs’ and ‘buts’.  I tried not to think about the D-day and went about my work which kept me busy as hell - report cards, promotion meeting, handing over, syllabus meetings and so on, with the academic year coming to an end.

My good friend was one of the trip organizers and she didn’t leave a stone unturned to make me feel comfortable about the trip. A briefing about the trip was done with all the members and an itinerary planned meticulously with every minute detail, of where we would eat to what to wear (what’s a women’s meeting without a discussion on dress code) and everything else under the sun was discussed. Now that did put me slightly at ease, if not completely.

There was a minor hiccup though when I shared the itinerary with my beloved hubby. Now he and my daughter were the ones who encouraged me to take up this trip, so he was enthusiastically going through every little detail, when he paused at one particular point. It was the travel timing for Bangalore to Udupi; It was mentioned that we were to start our travel to Udupi from Bangalore at …ahem….11 pm and reach there early morning.

This started a small but serious discussion on “Is it necessary for ladies to travel at that hour?” “Couldn’t you plan your travel during day time?” Now let’s not jump and start a new convo on “why can’t women travel alone at night?” because that’s not the point. His concerns were genuine; what if there is a breakdown of the vehicle or a medical emergency or….. Anybody can face such situations and it was a perfectly reasonable argument, I would say. Not to mention the state of women’s safety, in our country especially.

So, my anxiety, which had taken a backseat temporarily, had started looking at me hopefully for a comeback and delightfully moved back in, to stay with me, taking a permanent residence. 

When I shared my concerns with my group, they immediately pooh-poohed  it and comforted me that a well acquainted guide would be accompanying us who had made all the arrangements (even a back-up vehicle… just in case) and  not to mention a well-known driver who had accompanied them in several previous trips. Now if this wouldn’t put someone at ease, what would.  

Still, from the time I left my home, my apprehensive husband’s worried look haunted me. But the minute I hopped into the cab that was waiting to take us to the train station, my worries seemed to slowly melt away, as waiting inside for me were my carefree, overjoyed travel buddies’, whose enthusiasm was infectious.

There started our adventurous trip, with a great deal of travelling through the city scape, deserted highways, sometimes crossing forests and mountainous terrains in the middle of the night. The home-stay experience, the trekking to sunset point, kayaking, riding in an open jeep through the beautiful hilly scenic route; the passers-by shouting encouragingly at us (secretly wondering what’s up with them), feeling like a kid again, not a care in the world, feeling free, with the wind blowing on our faces and… for once not having to worry about kids, home or work.  But nothing could compare to the experience of travelling with an enthusiastic bunch of strong-minded and kind women. We were a wonderful mix of vivacious, spirited and timid ones. We had a great time bonding and knowing each other.

It was a wonderful trip which taught me a little independence, as they say, experience is the best teacher and travelling is one such experience. Most of all it was liberating to be a part of an all women group, managing everything on our own and knowing that a man’s presence is not necessary to feel secure.

If you are wondering what is this post doing in a parenting site….think again. Kids don’t learn from what we say but from what we do. We have to lead by example. If you want to teach your kids to be independent and happy, you can’t do it by just saying it and not doing anything even remotely independent yourself.

And another plus to this kind of outing is you and your family actually realise how much you miss each other and that leads to a greater bonding than you could achieve by being always there. For me, this was a first of its kind and I am sure there are more to follow. 

Breaking the invisible barrier

 I would like to think I had a much shielded childhood. No… I wasn’t pampered. Just that even simple tasks like going to a bank, post office or doing anything outside the four walls of my house was always taken care of by my mom, dad or anyone other than me.  And no, my family isn’t one of those extremely conservative or highly orthodox ones who don’t allow their daughters to leave the house.  They are very open- minded and always wanted me to be more independent but maybe it was my nature or my temperament because of which I always resisted such activities.

Then, I got married and my wonderful husband too let me blissfully be unaware of any outside tasks and took care of all the banking, bill payments and every other paper work involved in any household.  Even my cell phone gets recharged miraculously without having to worry about. And coming to travelling alone, it is something I fear the most and never had to do it. Travelling by public transport by myself is like going on “fear factor” challenge for me.

Don’t get me wrong. I am your typical 21^st century woman who believes in women empowerment and exerts her freedom by deciding what she wants to do.  And with an extremely supportive and encouraging family, I have nothing stopping me from doing what I want to, but the thought of doing any of the above mentioned things independently gives me the jitters.

Recently my friend proposed that I join her group in an exclusive women’s trip to a neighbouring city. I can’t even think of going to any place alone by myself in the city I have lived for more than 8 years, let alone out of city. So, I told her precisely that and backed off.

During a casual chat a few days later, I was telling my family about this all women trip and everyone especially my daughter told me that I must go on that trip, enjoy with my friends, do something just for myself and stop being such a ‘fraidy cat….(that’s how she put it).

I dismissed the idea right away with a “What nonsense….me and travelling without my family, that too out of town…No Way”. But my daughter’s words got me thinking… Am I just living a life within a self-imposed boundary and afraid to step out of my comfort zone? If yes, then how long am I going to live in some baseless fear of doing things on my own?  Most importantly, what kind of an example am I setting for my daughter? 

Then I made the most uncomfortable decision. I decided to go on that exclusive women’s trip after all. No one can help me get over my inhibitions but me. I need to take the first step towards overcoming my fears… one step at a time. I need to break the invisible barrier stopping me from living without fear. Conquering one fear at a time….

My kiddo's birthday...and wait a sec... mine too!!!

I am frantically getting geared up for my son’s birthday which happens to be in a couple of days. The friends list, snack menu, cake to be ordered, party decorations, inviting friends and relatives and of course the gift shopping extravaganza….uff…wonderful as it sounds, it sure is tiresome. But what’s a little hustle and bustle for your kid’s special day, isn’t it?

Now, when I think about the special day, isn’t it a special day for us moms too? It is, after all, a rebirth of sorts for mothers too. While we get all caught up with our child’s birthday celebration and all, I think it’s also an important time to celebrate our rebirth too with the same joy and verve.

Just rewind….the day of your child’s birth, what a crucial and eventful day!!!  You would have been a nervous wreck since the moment you realised it was the D-day, not to mention rushing to the hospital, the agonising pain and the subsequent tears of joy. The anxious husband who was worried sick for the both of you and of course your parents, in-laws and any other support system you had, would have heaved a sigh of relief. Such a momentous event, not just for your baby but for you too…

Somehow I had not given this a serious thought till now….For one, it didn’t occur to me and two, it sounds selfish to hog the limelight of my kids special day; the selfless mothers that we are, it certainly feels that way. But I have decided to celebrate the event of my rebirth along with my kids from now on (better late than never). Yes, though not with so much of fanfare but quietly, thinking about the day and whatever I had undergone (because I am sure not everyone has a rosy tale to share about their labour); and the miracle that took place at the end of it all and what an out-of-the-body experience that was and feel a sense of great accomplishment and pride and more importantly, to remind myself that if I was able to endure that, then I am much stronger than I think I am. We all are….That’s reason enough for me to celebrate. I would, may be dress up a little and just have a smile on my face while I finish up with the party arrangements. 

Because, it’s as much, my birthday too…. 

Quality time Vs. Quantity time

It’s a term we modern parents have invented to justify the amount of time we spend with our kids. I for one don’t agree with the notion that kids need just quality time. I feel kids need quantity and a large quantity of your time. Just being there in the same room while you shell the peas and your little one colours or does his homework may not sound like quality time to some but it’s very important nonetheless…. You need not necessarily bond with your child all the time but your presence itself is soothing and reassuring for kids.

The conversations that happen when you are busy watering the plants with your little one at toe or cooking while your kid plays around with the utensils, pretending to be a chef himself, are all wonderful moments of quantity or might I say quality time spent with your kids. Even watching TV together versus plopped in front of TV alone, has a vast difference. Watching TV with kids and talking about the characters and discussing what’s happening on screen could be far more enriching than just staring at the screen by yourself.

And when it comes to the tweens and teens, it is this quantity time that sees them through, believe me, because you never know when they would feel like opening up and want to talk to you about something. As parents we all know that you can never have a heartfelt conversation with your child by saying “Let’s talk” or “tell me what happened in school today”. No….it doesn’t work that way at all. It’s when you are doing some mundane task or reminiscing about your own childhood while folding the bedding or changing the pillow covers, when that kind of heart- to-heart conversation happens. And for that to happen, we have to be around more often.  You cannot schedule these moments, it happens when you give a lot of face to face time.

Having said that, I also want to say that not every one of us has the luxury of time; we don’t know what the other person is going through to make ends meet or what their journey is all about; Every parent is trying his or her best to provide the best childhood for their kids, so there is no right or wrong way to do it. But, for those lucky, some of us, who have the luxury of time, I would say quality time is great, but don’t undermine quantity time…..it too does wonders for your kid. It is not hogging the limelight as its counterpart “quality time” but it is silently playing a very vital role in building your kids’ sense of security and outlook towards life in general.  

Woman in me wants to choose...

All the talk about women empowerment is great. I am all for it. Is it just my observation or is it that rebellion is born out of restrictions?  You could see that in kids very often. Only after you prohibit them from doing something, will the urge to do it, becomes much stronger. Left alone they wouldn’t have wanted to do that in the first place. Similarly only in households where women have too many restrictions, do they have the urge to break it or rebel against it.

I was never made to feel that I shouldn’t or couldn’t do something which is probably why I never felt the need to prove anything to anyone.  If you see in the recent past, during our grandmothers’ time, they had way too many restrictions which led to the next generation i.e. our mothers to start exploring options outside the home front… If you say women can’t do this, they would prove you otherwise by excelling in it. So many women  have broken the barriers and made their presence felt in all the fields which they were told, “were not meant for them”,  be it engineering,  astro-physics, research or anything else under the sun, that was thought to be a man’s area of expertise.

But if you watch closely this trend is slowly taking an interesting turn. Many highly accomplished women are choosing to stay home and take care of their family after they have kids, as that is far more gratifying, than some…technically challenging job any day. Once they prove their mettle, they feel at ease to choose what they actually would like to do with their life at that point, rather than be stuck-up doing something that’s not worth their time. 

Do you think this is regression? No, not at all…This is happening Now, more than ever before, only and only because women have made their mark globally and they are choosing what they want to do as opposed to what they were told to do. So, whether they want to stay home and take care of the family or continue to excel in their chosen field of work, they are the ones taking that decision. It is not forced on them; it is their decision to do what they wish to do. Now, that’s real empowerment.

Let’s imagine a hypothetical situation where we all lived in an idealistic society, where anyone irrespective of their gender is free to choose what they want to do, without any judgements;  I am sure people will definitely migrate towards what’s more important to them, their true interests and what they do best, instead of trying to prove a point to the world, what they are capable of. 

Wouldn’t that be just great!!!

The reading room

It was always my dream to have a small library at home. With all the travelling we had to do, being married to a software engineer, there was never a place we would stay at for more than a couple of years. With my husband’s numerous “on-site” projects which took us to the US, we never quite settled anywhere for almost fifteen years of our married life. Over the years, I had collected more than five hundred books on varying topics from fiction to cooking, decorating, designing, self-improvement, parenting, autobiographies, management and what not. And as kids happened along the way, my collection grew in leaps and bounds as kids literature got added to it in good measure.

As expected my kids grew up to be bookworms too. While most kids wish to be taken to a mall or a movie on weekends, my kids would only wish to be taken to the nearby library. We all spend a few happy hours in the library, each blissfully engrossed in books of their choice; biding good-bye to the library is one the of the toughest things to do! (And it so happened that many a times I had to literally drag them out kicking and screaming!!!)

Inculcating the reading habit is very vital to a child's development. It helps children imagine and explore and stretch their creativity. It not only helps build vocabulary and grammar but also enhances their understanding of nuances such as satire and poetic expressions which cannot be taught. Children imbibe these along with the moral values imparted indirectly without even realizing it. 

As the kids grew, we finally decided to settle down, owing to their educational needs and that’s when my life-long dream of owning a library came to be a reality. The apartment we zeroed-in on had a tiny spare room to be used as a servant room or a study and almost immediately I knew what I wanted  do with that room. No prizes for guessing correctly!!! I got to work with the room’s layout and I put my heart and soul into designing my little library. My kids were thrilled with the idea too. Together we came up with a beautiful, cozy little library. And today it’s one of the most often used rooms in our house. 

Wow...did you bake that?

The family that eats together stays together. We have all heard of that before. But I would like to say “The family that cooks together stays together.”  Wondering how to achieve this, when eating together itself is an impossible feat? Well, there are a lot of ways to incorporate cooking into your daily life by making it a family activity. 

My family loves to cook - every one of them, including my 10 year old son and 14 year old daughter. They have been cooking since they were 7 or 8 years old. My husband and I love cooking together during weekends and that’s probably how our kids got interested in cooking too. We started involving them as our little helpers, peeling potatoes for aloo parathas, shredding carrots for easy wraps, preparing salad plates with cucumber and tomatoes, etc.  We started planning meals that could involve them in helping us, and slowly, the interest set in. Even our favourite family shows are cooking shows. The last season of Master Chef Australia and Junior Master Chef were watched till the grand finale with nail-biting excitement.

Then came the part of allowing them to cook with fire…though I was very scared and skeptical about allowing them anywhere near the gas stove.  I started by giving them a big talk on fire safety, gas leak, do’s and don’ts and other precautions. Then I let them work alongside me with watchful eyes supervising them closely. I soon gained confidence that they can handle the stove efficiently, though they are still not allowed to cook anything in my absence.  Safety is of utmost importance and we cannot take a chance with that. You have to make sure they strictly adhere to the rules of safety.

Now, what if I tell you, that together, my kids can whip-up a 5 course meal all by themselves; and mind you, it won’t be a simple dal, rice and subzi.  It’s got to be German, Italian or Mexican themed, with a salad, 3 main courses and a desert. My daughter can bake a mean chocolate cake, wonderful melt-in-your-mouth donuts and beautiful cupcakes with the passion of a keen baker. From researching for a recipe, watching cooking videos to get the nuances right, my kids do all the planning before embarking on the day’s cooking project. When it comes to cooking, even their ‘Tom and Jerry’ sibling rivalry disappears, and they are like two musketeers who are partners in crime and whose only mission is making that dinner ready, without giving out the secret…

For beginners:

Get your kids involved in cooking only after you have created an interest in them for the same.

-  Creating interest is pretty easy…even a picky eater can be persuaded. Pick something they absolutely love, it may be cookies, cakes or chaat items. Then casually engage them in some random conversation while you go about your preparations. (DO NOT at any point let them know what your real aim is….because, then there goes your plan...down the drain).Slowly, turn your conversation to the dish at hand and tap their curiosity. By the time you are done, they’d be hooked. Believe me… interest in cooking cannot be forced.

-  Involve them in your regular cooking process as and when they show an interest

-  Make cooking a family activity at least once a week.

-  Compliment, compliment and compliment….can’t say enough of this. They go a long way in instilling confidence in them and help them take pride in their accomplishments.

- Once they seem confident enough to handle simple tasks, allow them to take on small challenges like making tea and toast for you...It gives them so much happiness when they know they are helping you. So give them that satisfaction

-    Let them slowly move on to bigger things as per their interest.

-   Last but not the least...If for some reason they don’t take to cooking, DO NOT force or nag. Come back to it later when they seem inclined.

-  WARNING: Be prepared for big and small messes, in and around the kitchen. And yes, this is the biggest discouraging factor for moms in allowing their kids to cook. Being an OCD mom myself, I had big trouble adjusting to the mess factor. (Lucky for me, my kids were so persuasive that I had to give in more often than I would have liked). Believe me, I absolutely sympathize with you on that one, but also believe me when I say that the end results are just too good to not make that sacrifice. And this is by and large, the only way to help children learn to appreciate food. 

Maid in India

There have been times when I had given up on hiring a maid to do the usual, everyday chores. I do have a very valid reason for that. See, I don’t have a problem keeping one; in fact, they are the best things that happened since sliced bread. I am lucky to be in a position to hire one….Then, what is your problem, you might ask? Well, the first problem is hiring a decent enough person for the job, and then comes training her to work to your expectations.  By the time you bring her up to speed and things start falling into place, work starts running smoothly like clock-work without too many instructions and not to mention you finally settle into a comfortable zone with each other….she decides to quit on you or disappear without so much so as a hint or god knows some unmanageable problem arises in her family, due to which she has to leave.

I am a person who is very particular when it comes to hiring someone to work for me. I exercise a lot of caution, have a few expectations and, of course, personal hygiene, especially, in case of maids.…that’s a very big factor. I always think long term when it comes to employing someone, by taking in as much History and Geography of the person as possible, to rule out any short term possibilities. Despite all this when the unexpected happens, I have a hard time accepting it and moving on. I mean….why wouldn’t I? I had invested so much of my time and energy into the above mentioned process!!!

And so, the search for the perfect maid starts all over again, following the usual route. If you have to do this once in a year, then it’s manageable, but not every three to four months;  Man….it’s exhausting!!! You start wondering if it’d be easier to do all the work yourself, than going through this rigmarole.  Because, as you know, dependency leads to expectations and expectation leads to….(you guessed it right)…..disappointments.  

I found myself in a similar soup recently. I return home from work, load the washing machine and settle down with a cup of tea expecting my maid to ring the bell any minute. Minutes turn to hours and still no sign of my maid. I frantically ring her up while throwing a glance at my kitchen and my heart sinks...What if? And what do I hear at the other end...that she might not be able to come today and not only that she might not be able to continue.

And that's when I did the unimaginable. I got so frustrated with the maid recruiting process that I decided to go cold turkey. So I set a period of one month or so to try and manage without a maid and see how it goes. At first, it felt so good to do the chores myself, meticulously, the way I liked it; the satisfaction of seeing the stove top, the French doors and taps shine under your expert hands gives you such a high! I would scrub and clean everything till it shined and every speck of dust had me coming at it. The satisfaction you get from seeing all your things from the floor to the ceiling shining brightly….is beyond words. It is like nurturing your home with your own two hands.  What pride I felt, as I thought to myself… See, I can do it!!! I don’t need a maid; I can do a better job than one, any old day. Yeah, right. I was just so naïve…

Slowly, fatigue started setting in and the routine of doing the same things over and over started getting to me. I started feeling a little bitter about the sheer number of things I had do on a daily basis. Every meal I cook, guaranteed a sink load to clean. The kids’ project work or art work which used to excite me earlier, now started to bother me because I was the one cleaning up afterwards. And kids have this uncanny habit of starting a mess just right after you have finished all the cleaning. You sit down with your cuppa after a rigorous round of picking up and cleaning and plop!!!  a pool of mess, smack in the middle of the living room. That’s when the bitterness of a frustrated woman takes on a full avatar accompanied by an overwhelming feeling of helplessness.

A woman’s got to have some relief from routine house work, isn’t it? After all, how much can she do? Is it worth all the frustration? Is it worth getting mad at your loved ones who are just being themselves? Is it worth your peace and quiet? I didn’t think so….And my better half is the one who pointed out to me in black and white that people who work for us will come and go as per their requirements and needs. We just need to move on; life will continue. I know, it’s too much to get all philosophical about losing a maid, but believe me, only a woman who has experienced it, can understand…

So, here is my learning from all this experience….I am not going to try to be a superwoman, which, I am not.  It’s just not worth it. It’s okay to be a woman who needs some help at times. Don’t lose your sleep over maids or any other form of help you might need. Move on and hire someone else. Take help and as much help as needed…..It’s all we can do to maintain our sanity sometimes. That way our time can be spent more productively doing things we love. That’s where our house-maids come in. Let her in……and if need be, let her go……

Photo courtesy - shutterstock.com

Life was simpler when apple and blackberry were just fruits

As a rule, we have always followed a time limit concept for our kids while using any gadget, even before the ipad, ipod days….I mean, the TV time, computer games etc.  They are not allowed to use any gadget without our permission and that goes for watching TV as well.  Only half-hour episodes on weekdays and movies are strictly for weekends. And TV and gadgets are not allowed on a daily basis.

When they were very young, I was always there with them watching their favourite cartoons and that way, it was easy to switch it off once the show got over. (I loved watching those shows too…hey don’t judge me…. I learnt a lot about Rain forests from Diego of “Go Diego Go” Ahem…Diego who… You ask? He is our Dora’s cousin silly!!!!) Just kidding…I am sure all of you mommies know who he is. Ahh…now this just brings back so many memories….Barney, Blue’s clues, wonder pets, and so many more; I can still remember each of the title jingles word for word….I am humming it right now. Ok, ok enough about this. I am rambling away from what I wanted to say.

So as I was saying, as kids grow up and their interests change and their choice of TV shows change, we no longer have the time, patience or interest to watch their shows with them.  That’s when it all starts. You are busy with your work and then you hear a pleading voice ‘Can I just watch one more episode please’ or ‘another 5 minutes please’ and before you know it, they have wasted a good one to two hours, glued to TV watching a meaningless program. Same thing happens for Ipad, Tablet or computer games.

When this started happening more often, my husband and I decided to have a timer for these activities. The timer is set before the program or game and when the buzzer goes, no matter what, you have to switch it off. And you can hear the buzzer loud and clear wherever you are in the house, alerting you about the time limit, so no more fooling, forgetting or anything else happening. I can tell you, it really works for us.

You can’t blame the children, they get carried away….oh heck, we adults can’t peel ourselves away from the TV shows sometimes, then how can we expect kids to do it. But limiting their viewing time is very important and as responsible parents we have to do it consistently for their own good. I don’t believe in completely cutting them off the gadgets either. We just have to find the right balance.

Now, all’s going well in buzzer town, but wait till you hear what happens next.  The other day, I was checking my mails and doing some random work on my laptop and my son walks up to me and tells me “Mom, I am setting a timer for one hour for your computer time, ok….you know, sometimes  you get too engrossed with your work on the computer.”  And my daughter, who was not part of the scene before, suddenly appears from nowhere saying, “He is absolutely right mummy…let’s use the timer for your computer time too.”

I don’t know whether it’s their sweet revenge or genuine concern, (oh come on, who am I kidding, it’s the first one of course), but I had to accept it with reluctance. It just drives home the point that gadget time has to be rationed, no matter who uses it. Practice what you Preach…..right.

For the love of books…

I have lost count of the number of times I have been asked this question by my friends, colleagues and even complete strangers,” how do you get your kids to read? Every time someone sees my kids with their noses buried in a book, this is the first thing they ask, “How did you instil reading habit in them?” Seriously, I didn’t know how it happened either. May be it was something I did!

So I thought of jotting down a few things I did, mostly without the knowledge of the wonderful effect it would have on them years later metamorphosing them into bookworms.

Though I would love to say it’s never too late to start, it definitely would have a bigger impact if kids have been introduced to books from a very young age. How early you ask…..how about as early as 4-6 months. I can hear you snickering under your breath; but I do have the responsibility to present a true account, don’t I?

I started reading books to my first born when she was around 5-6 months old. It was mostly rhymes and by the time she was 7 months old, she was flipping through to the page which had the rhyme I was singing. I started reading story books and poems by the time she was 9 months and gradually started teaching alphabets, numbers, fruits, vegetables, birds, common objects and so on. To my amazement, she started reciting them as soon as she started talking….just like that. Children start internalising everything they see and hear, even before they start speaking and then it’s just a matter of time.

 I still remember quite vividly, reading a book of poems called “Poems for Annie Rose” to my 8 month old daughter and what a lovely book it was!  It soon became her favourite and I had to read that book at least 15-20 times a day for quite a few months. I still have that book with me; just couldn’t part with it, brings back such fond memories. And I remember buying Dr.Seuss books for early readers just before she turned 3. I know, I know, it’s a little too ambitious you would say…But it was exactly what she needed at that time. With a little phonics sound practice she was all set to read.

Once she started reading on her own, there was no turning back. Even now that she is 14 years old, books are her best friends and she is completely oblivious of the world around her if she has a book for company.  Same story, three and a half years later with my son too….I am sure there is no need for me to go on.

To all the New mommies out there, Start early; and to all my bookworm friends……Happy reading!!!

In the name of Equality…

Men and women are not equal. Period. Let’s stop saying that and let’s stop justifying that! It just doesn’t make sense. Wondering what I mean??  I mean to say that we are not made equal…we are made to complement each other. If you look around and observe nature, its creations are wonderfully complementary. Every creation is exceptional in its own way and has its own strength.  Let’s allow that natural, in-built, unique quality endowed upon us by nature to help pave way for a well-balanced society, the way it’s meant to be.  By nature women are more nurturing and caring and similarly men are more logical and result oriented. There is nothing wrong with that. This doesn’t mean stereotyping men and women in any way. There are men who are nurturers and women who are go-getters. Let’s accept who we are and not try to be something we are not.

Today I see this growing trend where parents are often heard saying “I am going to bring my daughter up like a son” and therefore  will not let her waste her time doing household chores and instead let her focus on academics, sports and other important things. Nothing wrong with that, you might ask. What if I say, this mentality is not right.

If the statement means she will have equal opportunities as that of a boy, then all is well. But if it implies that she will not have to cook or clean or help with household chores as if it is somehow inferior to other things, then there is something fundamentally wrong. I recently read somewhere something divergent to the above statement, and that is “bringing up my son like a daughter”.  I feel both cases are wrong.
It’s about time we allow both our sons and daughters to do all the things irrespective of the nature of the job or gender.

Whether it’s a boy or a girl, both should be involved in all the household chores. Teach your son and daughter to cook simple meals, clean the dishes, tidy up the house, do laundry, change a light bulb, fix minor plumbing and electrical problems, sew a button and hem.  This will help bring a sense of equality at the same time teach important life skills. Children who grow up in such an environment will not grow up feeling superior or inferior towards the opposite gender. Inculcating the sense of equality has to start at home.

With the society changing and men and women handling challenging jobs outside homes, our mind set also has to undergo a radical change. What kind of a world will it be when the kids grow up, get married and start a family with both not knowing a thing about domestic life and what it takes to have marital harmony. What will your daughter who has been brought up saying she doesn’t have to enter the kitchen, do when she is suddenly faced with the responsibility of cooking and taking care of a family?  And how lost will your son feel not being able to contribute equally in managing household chores when his wife who also has a challenging job, is equally busy. What kind of chaotic life would that be? What will happen to the harmony of family life?

Implanting a false idea in a daughter that she may not need to do any household work ever and a bringing up a son with an idea that later a woman who will be his wife will take care of all his domestic needs is just wrong.

Aren’t we deceiving our kids and setting them up for a big disappointment and failure in future…

The Menace called Multitasking

I had never heard of this terminology when I was a kid back in the 80’s and 90’s. I don’t know when and how this word had crept into our lives but everyone seems to have become a multitasker and a proud one at that. Of course we had multitaskers before…..umm…duh…our mothers. But they are never called that, they are just mothers, they are born to do all those thousand and one things at the same time and look serene and calm too. I am not talking about these true- blue multitasking angels….

What I am saying is in all this hurry to fit in so many things in a short span of time, are we really doing any justice to the task at hand. Do we even consciously spend any time doing one particular task to our fullest satisfaction, giving it our best shot? Why are we in such a hurry to do so many things trying to just tick it off our to-do list?( No wonder we have so many ADHD cases being reported now).The more number of things we can do in a short duration gives us the euphoria of accomplishment.  This is just to fill the void we feel inside and to prove it to ourselves of our self- worth. Doing just a few things is just not good enough anymore. This is a sad state of affairs.

What happened to the slow pace and unhurried ways of our earlier days?  Summers spent day-dreaming, gardening, learning a new hobby not to perfect it but for the love of learning something new or seeing something grow.  These things need not be scheduled or put under the itinerary heading “vacation time”; it should be part of our regular everyday scheme of things.

Somewhere down the line, I have somehow come to despise this term and see it as a threat to creativity and originality. This word is slowly wreaking havoc in many households.  Women are the ones bearing the brunt of this so called menace. Women are expected to be superwomen juggling work and family life with finesse. No one is to even fathom the crushing load of work that has to be done to keep things running like clockwork. And God forbid if it shows, then you are just not efficient enough.

Prioritize and do what is most important to you and give it your best, not for any recognition, but for your satisfaction. Do less but efficiently. Once you put your heart and soul to anything you do, the need to over-achieve will vanish and peace will set-in.

With love, from mom..

“Making the decision to have a child – it is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body. ” -Elizabeth Stone

I stumbled upon the above quote just around the time I became a mom. I realized how absurd it sounded and at the same time how true it was. It literally does feel like having your heart live outside your body. Anybody who is a mother would vouch for it, I am sure.

It’s such a crazy place to be, you know, inside the mind of a mom. One moment, you are so sure of yourself and your parenting skills and the next moment you wonder if you have made a grave, irreparable mistake by following your instinct. Simple decisions like letting them go out to play by themselves is enough to drive you nuts if your child is a little late in getting back home. By then, your impatient mind had concocted thousand different horrible things that could have gone wrong.

You want to shelter them and protect them and hide them from pain and heart ache and all the evil in the world just by keeping them safe and sound in the shadow of your wing like a mother hen. But then you also want them to grow strong and confident, kind and tolerant, generous and forgiving. Now these are not things that can be taught or learnt in isolation, removed from social interactions, disappointments or failures.

While my overprotective mother’s instinct would love to keep them under wraps unharmed and protected, it’s important for them to step into the world and experience all of this, to become well-rounded and well-adjusted people;  whether we like it or not. Incidentally, we would be doing more harm if we don’t allow this transition.

Therefore I surrender to that universal truth and instead pray that I’ll have the strength to love them well by protecting and covering when needed and letting go when the moment is right.

I know that I am learning on the job…stumbling, making mistakes and learning, all at the same time, so please help me God.

I’ll have to trust in God with all my heart to care for them when I can’t and when I feel things are beyond my control.

There’s no turning back now. Those little hearts of mine are walking around in the bodies of my kids, I love most. But do they understand all this I am going through inside, while trying to look all normal on the outside?

An Ordinary Day

Dear diary, today was a regular day

Everything went as per routine,

Nothing out of the ordinary happened;

Just one of those days when

One thing follows the other

In a monotonous sort of way.

That’s when I thought to myself

What an uneventful and boring day.

Then….I looked around

And saw how many of them were

Having a terrible day today,

Enduring so much  grief and pain

How many had lost a loved one today

How many were struggling to make ends meet

How many wishing that it was

Just another ordinary day.

That’s when I realised

What a blessed day I had had today.

That’s when I realized

How we forget to cherish these

So called ordinary days.

How fortunate we are to have a day

When nothing out of the ordinary happens.

So dear diary, I take back my words,

It was an extraordinary day today...

And I’m blessed to be sharing it with you today.

 

Being different

Since when is being different a bad thing? On the contrary, being different is what makes a person unique and unique is good thing.

 In today’s day and age, trying to stay the way you are, in an ever changing world, is the biggest accomplishment. My kid that way is unique and one of a kind. She doesn’t follow the crowd or get bogged down by peer- pressure to look or dress a certain way. She is, in a way, almost fierce about guarding her comfortable way of life and doesn’t like to complicate things just because others (even her best friends) are doing it.  Any occasion that calls for some dressing–up, invariably becomes a struggle. The endless cajoling that takes on a threatening tone, to wear a simple piece of jewellery or dressy attire, turns ugly. Anyone and everyone we meet are like “Oh! Why is she not dressed-up for the occasion? Why isn’t she wearing any jewellery?  And so on.  Sounds familiar….anyone? Honestly, I did get upset about her fussing about such matters but then started wondering….. What’s wrong if she doesn’t want to? Yes, this might hurt my motherly desires of dressing up my only daughter and admiring her in pretty outfits, but if that’s not what makes her happy and on the contrary, makes her uncomfortable then its about time I put an end to my yearnings.

Similarly, instead of gossiping endlessly on whatsapp or chat sessions, she prefers writing and she calls it her “Creative writing” time. Either that or she paints/draws or reads books. These are her routine after-school activities. And it doesn’t hurt to have an incredibly sharp mind either…that way, she doesn’t have to spend a lot of time slogging over her school work.  She effortlessly aces all her tests, leaving enough and ample time for all her so-called activities. For an onlooker, it might seem like such a waste of a perfect evening, but for her it’s an evening well spent doing what she likes best. Sounds strange for a teenager, doesn’t it? Well…I definitely don’t think so and nor should you, if you have one like mine.

Do we unknowingly push our kids to be a certain way just because it’s the norm and everyone expects it from us? Do we regard other’s opinions over our own children’s likes and dislikes?  Most of the time, the answer is a very big and uncomfortable YES. It all stems from our inherent want to be accepted as perfect parents having perfect kids…(knowing well that there is no such thing called a perfect parent or a perfect kid).

Let’s step aside from the rat race for our own good. Let’s celebrate our children’s uniqueness rather than forever trying to make them fit into an ill-fitting mould. They are wonderful as they are, so let’s let them be.

My first batch of class 10…

“A teacher affects eternity, he can never tell where his influence stops” – Henry Adams.                      I realized today how true this statement was….

Today being the last working day for my class 10 students, lots of things were on the cards.  First was a temple visit to get the blessings of the almighty and then of course a class photograph, to be cherished for years to come and there was also the farewell party for class 12.  I got ready for school expecting only these events and of course a small reminder to myself that I need to tell my students to collect their practical records from the lab as a reference for their board exams. Today being Friday, I had the first period with them and that gave me some surety that I might be able to do as I planned before they got caught up with their events for the day.  After I reached the class and handed over their books, I sat down for a casual chat with them, knowing well that this might probably be the last time I will be meeting some of them, as they may have plans of moving to another school.

What I didn’t expect was the torrent of emotions this was going to unleash. What started out as a casual reminiscence, going down the memory lane (some as long as 6 years back, as I had been teaching some of them since they were in 4th grade) slowly turned into an emotional roller-coaster. Soon there was no stopping those tears from streaming down their cheeks. Everyone shared some incident or the other….saying they loved me because I was fair to all and never partial, some said they liked how I always came well-prepared for every class, while some liked the fact that no matter how silly or out of context their doubts were, I never brushed them aside etc..etc…

The most heart-warming one was shared by my newest student who had been with me for just a year. She started out by telling me how I was the reason she started liking Biology, as up- until then she had hated that subject. (Did I mention that I am a Biology teacher? Well, now you know).  I couldn’t believe it completely though, as kids say the darndest things sometimes in an emotional state. As if sensing it, she insisted that I listen to the whole story and went on to share that due to her earlier hatred for the subject, she had clearly told her family that she would never take up medicine as a profession. It seems her parents were really disappointed as they had high hopes of seeing her become a doctor.

Then, one day, after one of my classes where I was explaining the circulatory system and how the human heart works (yes, she even remembered the exact topic) she had gone home and told her mom that she wanted to do medicine. Her mother was obviously stunned  and of course very happy to hear that and the reason behind her decision.

Just like that.....an important, monumental decision was made. So when I hear such instances, I wonder how many lives we touch in this profession, without even realizing it.

Organic all the way....

The newspaper articles are buzzing with this new favourite word of theirs, organic this organic that….now what’s this hullaballoo all about. Is it just a fashion fad or is it here to stay? Who is to decide…
Organic farming is a form of agriculture that relies on techniques such as green manure, compost, and biological pest control.
Oh hey, hey! Now don’t stop reading this post because you are suddenly pondering over the complexity of it all. This is just a definition given in Wikipedia when you search for organic farming.
An exclusive kitchen garden that provides a sufficient supply of cooking essentials for a family does not require a huge space or a lot of additional burden. All it needs is a little patience and some perseverance.
From ever fluctuating vegetables and fruits prices, from pesticide-ridden vegetables and herb, there is only one solution; your own small kitchen garden. And yes, even you can do it. If you think you can’t, let’s see what’s stopping you from trying your hand at this; space constraint, resources, time constraint…What if I tell you all this can be worked out, you know, the space constraint, resource and guidance…umm....the time constraint part, now that no one can help you but yourself.

 Even in a 20-30 sqft space in your balcony/kitchen or terrace you can have this vegetable garden. For spaces less than this, you can opt for a vertical garden. I mean, space is really not a constraint.

 So, now that we have one constraint down, let look at the second one. We have umpteen number of online sites for guidance and reference. For not so net savvy people, we have a number of urban gardeners on the rise to help you give hands-on training and support with a minimal consulting cost.

 Now for those with time constraint, I am sure squeezing in half an hour (15 minutes in the morning and 15 min in the evening) won’t be such a hassle. Just take a break from your facebook and whatsapp and see how much time you can save in a day and the plus point is, you not only get a zen feeling of calm and peace while gardening, you experience a euphoria when you see something grow…from a tiny seed to a sapling, to a plant bearing flowers and then the flowers turning to fruits…oh what a feeling of accomplishment!!! Now that’s definitely worth sharing with your friends on facebook. I am sure you will agree.

So, imagine growing your own vegies and knowing what’s in them while you relish your dishes without any doubts of chemical contamination…feeding your family without doubting the nutritional content and freeing yourself of the constant worry of feeding poisonous chemical in the name of nourishment to your young kids…Isn’t that worth a little time and space in your busy schedule.
Imagine never having to rush to the nearest store for vegetables (saving on petrol is just a side-effect...err....benefit) or ordering one day ahead on those highly popular door delivery portals which are dime-a-dozen, mushrooming all over the city (aptly targeted at people like us making us lazier by the day)
Imagine a terrace garden or balcony garden in every household…Not only will the chemical menace stop, our needs will be met more economically, instantly and in an eco-friendly manner. How gratifying…